I went on this journey for a year, and if you read my last blog you know that after that year I got catapulted off the bandwagon and smooshed by it. Now I'm just sitting around hoping another one comes for me and I can stay on it permanently this time.
Working out and being healthy isn't just something I did because I wanted to. It's the realization that I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to something much more dangerous than drugs. I'm addicted to FOOD.Your mind finds ways to convince you that you NEED certain foods in your life. It convinces you that you depend on food.
The past few days I have been trying to convince my mind that my body is perfect just the way it is. Instead of constantly trying to change every single aspect of my body, I'm focusing on one thing at a time. Come to find out the whole multitasking thing doesn't work well for me. I wanto be the person that works out because she loves it and because she is working towards a better person, not the person who does it because she is brainwashed and trying to fight off the urge to eat food all day long.I am beautiful in my own skin despite my own insecurities.
Don't measure your journey by how many times you get knocked down, measure it by how many times you get back up.
I may not workout every day, or eat everything that is healthy, but I sure do try my hardest. I put in all of my effort to put in a good workout and work up a sweat.
Monday after work I had planned to walk/jog on the treadmill to hopefully get back into the swing of working out every day. The problem is that I get BORED so EASY!!! I love beachbody programs but I felt like I was doing the same thing over and over and over again with no relief. I like an adventure. Something new and fresh that makes my brain actually work along with my body. So I decided after work to head out to the high school track and I created a workout with what I had. I had a track, bleachers, and a set of 8lb weights in my car.
 |
I did an "S pattern" 5 times through the bleachers, sumo squats with an arm lift, ballerina toe raises in squat position, and wood choppers and repeated 3 times. Then I followed it all up with a one mile jog around the track.
I pushed myself hard and I loved every minute of it, because I was doing it for me, and because it was something new. Believe me, my muscles have told me it was new for the last 2 days. They have also told me they hate me for being lazy for the last 2 weeks.
Something else I have faced this week, is migraines. Not something that I love. Actually something that I question daily and wonder why in the world I have to suffer through these things. I cry, I yell, I feel like my eyes are being pulled out of my head and the whole room is getting smaller and louder by the moment. I sit around and wish with all of my heart that these things would go away. The picture above is me looking nice, me putting effort into my day.... This picture..
This is what I really look like on a daily basis. This is the struggle that I have, to put myself back in square one of my weight loss journey. TIME is no excuse... my exhaustion mentally and physically... that's an excuse.
My body is shouting nasty cuss words at me for the crap I'm putting into it and for not giving it what it wants. That's the FEAR. The fear that I wont live as long, because I decided to give in to the world full of bad foods, the fear that I will fail again, the fear that I'm not good enough, the fear that I will never reach my goal. The fear that I will fail, is what is stopping me.
Food controls my life, and I'm not proud of that. I'm an empty garbage disposal that doesn't search for the nutrients or the goods. I search for the junk.
I will be working on myself, while trying to inspire others. Like I said last week, I know.... I'm slightly depressing. But stick with me and take these steps with me. I promise it's something that we wont regret.
WE are worth the fight for our own health. Accept this challenge with me, become better with me, grow stronger with me.
XOXO, Audrey
No comments:
Post a Comment