Unwanted gains

Today is day 10 of the 21 day fix. I often slack when it comes to food in this program but this round I have been giving it my all. Using the 21 day fitness tracker to keep track of my water, food, and workouts. Focusing on getting all of my containers and no more than allowed, and a workout in daily.

The reason I started this journey on another round of the 21 day fix is because I had gained a few pounds back. On March 5 I weighed in at 174, the lowest I have ever weighed in my adult life. On Monday, day 1 of the fix, I weighed 182. My long term goal was 165 by August 5, to mark my 1 year weight loss journey at 50 pounds gone. I was getting so close and now I have put myself 20 pounds away from it, 3 weeks out.

Not to mention, this morning I weighed in, day 10 of the fix..... And I have gained 4 pounds since day 1. Let the water works begin. How is it possible that I can be working SO hard and be getting nothing in return for it. I know the scale doesn't always tell the true numbers of who you are so I measured my waist quickly.... 1 inch GAINED around my waist.... The last 10 days have been nothing but unwanted gains for me.

I was set to get up at 6 this morning and work out.... After those numbers I crawled back in bed, where I still lay now, needing to leave in 20 minutes, discouraged and upset. On August 1 I have to look amazing in a bridesmaids dress for one of my best friends wedding. I'm excited about everything except for for the getting up in front of everyone and feeling the whispers of, "I thought she lost weight, it looks like she has gained it all back!"

After I sat all day and thought about this and what I could do, I still felt down about it. I feel like I've been thrown backwards and it will take me forever to get where I need to be. Despite this, I ate healthy all day long (besides that dark chocolate that I gave into). I couldn't bring myself to gorge and go crazy in the kitchen. I used my containers and worked out as soon as I got home. I leave for vacation on July 19 and until that morning I am going to stay off of the scale to the best of my ability. That will be day 21 of my fix and I am hoping that my inches or the scale show some progress.

This feeling that I have, it's the biggest battle in a diet. It's the biggest battle in life. We want a quick fix, fast results. I may have been at this journey for almost a year but I have to remind myself that I have changed my life for the better. My blood work came back clean, I am no longer falling into the "obese" category on the body fat scale, and I feel better. I am a new person because of this journey and my largest goal of all was to become a better version of myself.

Motivation can be hard to come by, it's not easy to get up every day and convince yourself of things. But you have to. Whether it is working out or going to work, the motivation has to be there. With motivation comes determination, enthusiasm, and compassion. To be successful in anything, these are all traits that are needed.

If you have fallen off of the wagon, like I have before (like once a week don't worry), get back on tomorrow. Eat healthy to the best of your ability, get a workout in, and focus on being positive and happy. Motivate yourself to become a new you, a better you.

Being in the dumps is a normal happening in this process. There is so much changing physically, mentally, and emotionally, we have to take time and steps to get where we need to be. Stay positive and most importantly:
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, GIVE UP!

XOXO,
Audrey

Being the 'Bigger' Friend...

If you read the title to this post and immediately thought 'I can feel her pain' or 'I'm that friend', you will probably already have all the same feelings that I post in this blog, but read on.

I have been apart of many social groups in my life and I'm only 20. Im a social butterfly who just like to talk. I was part of the sports group in high school, the drama group, the choir group, and more. Now, in college I'm apart of my every day friend group, and I still cant escape being the 'bigger friend'. Anytime I talk about being fat or needing to lose weight my friends claim quickly "Audrey, don't say that you are gorgeous!" "You're not fat you're perfect!". I believe them for the moment and move on with life still not losing weight. Then on a Friday night when we are getting ready to go out on the town as a group one of the girls yells, "I can't find anything that looks good!! I am so FAT!" Might I remind you that they weight anywhere from 115 lbs  to 140lbs and I'm over here at a 199 lbs even. So do I still believe them that they dont think my body that has 50 more lbs attached to it isn't fat? Welcome to the life of a woman.

I have spent the last three months of my life two and a half hours away from my boyfriend and family, living with my aunt and uncle and their three gorgeous children. I love every second of it and I wouldnt change it for anything. However, if you're a mom of children or just a caretaker of them, you know that most kids base their whole meal around chips. Lets have chips with mac and cheese, which is also bad for you and I hate it. Lets have chips and cheeseburgers. Lets just have chips! On top of that, lets have every snack in the house! We have to cover everything in cheese, and have chips with it. SO healthy!!

Needless to say my summer weight loss goals turned into weight gain and I don't think ill ever be the skinny person or the sexy girl of the group. BUT who cares! I have already found the man of my dreams who loves me for me! So who cares, right!? WRONG!

I have had that mentality for too long and its the reason that every time I gain five pounds I say "Its just five pounds". And that my friends is how 25 lbs later you realize that you are dangerously over weight no matter who thinks you look fine.

I started my dieting a week ago today and I'm not going to lie to you its one of the hardest things I have to do on a daily basis. How many calories is that? Have I eaten too much? Will that make me fat? How can that skinny girl eat that and still be skinny but I cant?! And so so so much more. Temptations are the worst. Period week, lets not even get into the mad cravings of a tub of sugar that we get. Women have it rough. 

I am not going to keep telling you about how much it sucks but I'm going to tell you how my 199 lb body goes through the cravings, hard work, and discipline every day and keep you posted on my weight loss pound by pound. I also plan to throw in some recipes here and there because cooking truly is my favorite thing to do, healthy or not. I hope some people can relate to my blog and find motivation for the weight loss goals and time in the kitchen.

Starting weight: 199.6 lbs
Starting date: Thursday, August 7 2014
Suggested Articles to read: http://m.prevention.com/weight-loss/weight-loss-tips/steal-these-weight-loss-tips-men/4-he-doesnt-use-food-as-therapist