Square One

Square one is a scary place. It's a place where you have the face the fear and stand on the line between success and failure. Will you be great? Or will you be just another person who tried without being successful.

I went on this journey for a year, and if you read my last blog you know that after that year I got catapulted off the bandwagon and smooshed by it. Now I'm just sitting around hoping another one comes for me and I can stay on it permanently this time.

Working out and being healthy isn't just something I did because I wanted to. It's the realization that I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to something much more dangerous than drugs. I'm addicted to FOOD.


Your mind finds ways to convince you that you NEED certain foods in your life. It convinces you that you depend on food.

The past few days I have been trying to convince my mind that my body is perfect just the way it is. Instead of constantly trying to change every single aspect of my body, I'm focusing on one thing at a time. Come to find out the whole multitasking thing doesn't work well for me. I wanto be the person that works out because she loves it and because she is working towards a better person, not the person who does it because she is brainwashed and trying to fight off the urge to eat food all day long.

I am beautiful in my own skin despite my own insecurities. 

Don't measure your journey by how many times you get knocked down, measure it by how many times you get back up.

I may not workout every day, or eat everything that is healthy, but I sure do try my hardest. I put in all of my effort to put in a good workout and work up a sweat.

Monday after work I had planned to walk/jog on the treadmill to hopefully get back into the swing of working out every day. The problem is that I get BORED so EASY!!! I love beachbody programs but I felt like I was doing the same thing over and over and over again with no relief. I like an adventure. Something new and fresh that makes my brain actually work along with my body. So I decided after work to head out to the high school track and I created a workout with what I had. I had a track, bleachers, and a set of 8lb weights in my car.

I did an "S pattern" 5 times through the bleachers, sumo squats with an arm lift, ballerina toe raises in squat position, and wood choppers and repeated 3 times. Then I followed it all up with a one mile jog around the track.



I pushed myself hard and I loved every minute of it, because I was doing it for me, and because it was something new. Believe me, my muscles have told me it was new for the last 2 days. They have also told me they hate me for being lazy for the last 2 weeks.

Something else I have faced this week, is migraines. Not something that I love. Actually something that I question daily and wonder why in the world I have to suffer through these things. I cry, I yell, I feel like my eyes are being pulled out of my head and the whole room is getting smaller and louder by the moment. I sit around and wish with all of my heart that these things would go away. The picture above is me looking nice, me putting effort into my day.... This picture..

This is what I really look like on a daily basis. This is the struggle that I have, to put myself back in square one of my weight loss journey. TIME is no excuse... my exhaustion mentally and physically... that's an excuse.

My body is shouting nasty cuss words at me for the crap I'm putting into it and for not giving it what it wants. That's the FEAR. The fear that I wont live as long, because I decided to give in to the world full of bad foods, the fear that I will fail again, the fear that I'm not good enough, the fear that I will never reach my goal. The fear that I will fail, is what is stopping me.

Food controls my life, and I'm not proud of that. I'm an empty garbage disposal that doesn't search for the nutrients or the goods. I search for the junk. 

I will be working on myself, while trying to inspire others. Like I said last week, I know.... I'm slightly depressing. But stick with me and take these steps with me. I promise it's something that we wont regret.

WE are worth the fight for our own health. Accept this challenge with me, become better with me, grow stronger with me.

XOXO, Audrey

Piece by piece, I'm slowly giving up

So the hospital I work for has these chocolate chip cookies that are to DIE for. So good. There was a 14 day stretch where I worked every day and I also ate a chocolate chip cookie every day. Each day after I ate the cookie I cussed at myself and said, "darn Audrey... That was 200 calories you didn't need to eat!" But I still went back 13 more days in a row so obviously I lack in the area of self control.

Those around me are finally starting to give in to my freak eating ways... Right as I'm giving them up. I'm not doing it intentionally and I have no valid excuse as to why I've gained 10 pounds back in a month.... Other than I just really love food.

My motivation has tanked. I don't crave anything healthy. I don't want to workout. In fact I haven't worked out for almost a week besides a short 1.5 mile walk I took tonight. Much of this is due to stress related to work and school. 

I look at myself in the mirror each morning and I see pictures of myself and think "why are you giving up?" "Why are you dumping a year of hard work down the drain?" And I still can't seem to stop eating like total crap. And when I eat like total crap I don't want to work out either. 

Due to lack of time and commitment issues I recently decided to no longer be a beachbody coach. I love the products, the people, and all that they have to offer but I am a sorry excuse as a fitness coach when I can't even keep my own butt in line. 

I write Goals just to fail at them... And I just can't seem to find my "why" anymore. 

I don't believe that I will be teaching classes in Bedford anymore due to low attendance and it's a long trip for me when I should be spending that time on homework or completing one of the 100 errands that I constantly put off. 

I know... All you're reading is giving up, quitting, and failure. 

I started this blog to tell you my triumphs and the good things about my journey. But to make this blog as real as possible the truth is this journey has bumps, giant gaping holes, struggles, and times of wanting to give up. Hopefully I can make it out of my giant gaping hole once I stop being a pig... 

If you have any extra motivational words to share please pass them my way. Because each day I give up a little bit more and I'm afraid the phrase "is being fat really the worst thing you can be?" Is becoming my catch phrase.....

XOXO, Audrey

PS sorry if this was depressing or also killed your motivation. That was not my intentions at all. Please share your truffles with me as well and maybe we can help each other out!

LOL laughing at myself. Did NOT mean to put truffles above but that explains my "piece by piece".... Dove chocolates get me every time. I'm leaving it because it's hysterical!

How about you share you STRUGGLES with me and maybe we can help each other out! 

Let Your Goals Guide You

If we all had motivation, we would all probably have everything we have ever dreamed of too. Funny right? That all it takes is motivation and you could have all you ever dreamed of? One little word is all that is separating you and everlasting happiness….

Motivation is something I struggle with, as I’m sure many of you do as well. That and consistency. Pair the two together and you get pure laziness. Aka Audrey. I once had a friend express to me how upset it makes her to see a post that says things like, “start eating clean now, It’s EASY!” It’s not EASY! It freaking sucks! At first it sucks anyways. You crave sugar and carbs and junk food. Because that is what your body has been used to for so long. This isn’t something that is going to change overnight, this is something that takes practice, consistency, and learning. You have to reprogram your mind and your kitchen to be ready to clean eat. Just like you have to reprogram your body, and your mind, to workout. After you have come so far on this journey you forget what it was like to get started. You forget that you start with no experience and scared. Once you have been going, you forget that feeling because it all seems easy now. “it’s not getting easier, you’re getting better.” That alone should motivate you to start, that you WILL get better and that it does get easier because you’re getting better.

Lately my motivation has been at an all-time low. I find the time to workout, I just don’t do it effectively. And when I do it effectively, I ruin it all in the kitchen. I know what it takes and how to do it, just as many of you do, I just can’t get my brain programed right.

As of this weekend I am sitting down and writing goals. Short-term and long-term goals.

Short term goals are going to be week by week and month by month. Long term goals are where I’m trying to get in the end. My problem is that I set my goal for this last April, and I reached it. I did what I wanted to do and never bothered to set new goals. Goals are what it’s all about. Goals are what trigger motivation.

Yes, my goal is to have a rockin’ body that I am happy with, but if I don’t have goals to get there, I’m just wandering aimlessly through my workout routines and my every-day life.

Set goals with me. Tell me what your goals are. Accountability makes a difference. I don’t want to be obnoxious, I just want to push you in the right directions. I’ll only push Beachbody products if you want them pushed. Other than that I will supplement you with what you need to reach your goals in the time that you set for them.

GOAL QUESTIONS:

What do you want to achieve in one week of health and fitness? (write one every Sunday night)

What do you want to achieve in one month of health and fitness?

What is your long term goal that you are working towards in health and fitness?

Why do you want to reach this goal?

How will you feel when you reach this goal?

 

I will answer these questions for you, so that you can see my goals, since I am asking for you to share yours. (Please notice that I use the phrase I WILL instead of I WANT. Because I am in control of my own actions and decisions)

What do you want to achieve in one week of health and fitness?
                -This week I will workout 5/7 days at THE LEAST and lose at least 1 pound and 1 inch off of my waist. I will eat health 90/10 meaning only 1 dessert for the entire week, and control the portion size of the dessert.

What do you want to achieve in one month of health and fitness?
                -For the month of September, I will lose 5 pounds. I will only eat 4 sweets for the entire month starting on September 6. I will get rid of the excuses and be proud of my results. I will lose at least 4 inches off of my body head to toe.  

What is your long term goal that you are working towards in health and fitness?
                -Running: In the spring, April, I will participate in a 10K run
                -Eating: I will clean up my diet and achieve overall health by September 2016. Being confident in my eating skills and knowledge and knowing what my portion sizes should be
                -Workouts: I will be at an overall goal weight of at most 150 meaning a loss of 35 pounds in 12 months. I will lose at least 10 inches from head to toe.

Why do you want to reach this goal?
                - I want to be healthy and happy for the sake of my present, and my future. I want to look good for any future weddings, my own and many of my friends. I want to look at myself in the mirror and know that I am capable of anything I set my mind to and success is not impossible. I want to teach myself to be consistent and persistent with my workout routines and eating habits instead of giving myself excuses to cheat and not workout. I want to be able to run long distance comfortably and use it as my stress relief.

How will you feel when you reach these goals?
                -Week by week I will feel satisfaction and success. Reaching these goals will give me the self confidence that it takes to make it in the big kid world. I will have no regrets in life as to never reaching a goal that I have wanted for so long, instead I will know that I said I could, so I did.

My weight loss has plateaued and I need a reason to be motivated again. Choose to have this reason with me. Make these goals to get motivated with me. We have a clean eating group on Facebook  with great menus that I am willing to share or create for anyone that is interested. I have workouts of my own that I favor and I can give you sites of workouts and names of people who can put together an awesome workout.

Please feel free to contact me at any time, because I need you just as much as you need me ;).

Know that when I am not blogging, I am not doing well. I am not being the person that I want this blog to be about. If you notice that I am not blogging, bug me about it and ask me to write something. Tell me you miss seeing my blog because it is what motivates you. I will get my butt back in gear and start writing more.

 

XOXO, Audrey

Shark Week 101

Let me start by making a statement that MAYBE everyone wasn't aware of:

I'm a girl

Shocker, I know. I looked like a boy until I was roughly 15 years old, but yes, I am a girl. Which inevitably means that mother nature hates me and each month one week out of every four is shark week(and I don't mean discovery channel shark week from last week). During shark week you can expect to see the women in your life to partake in some or all of the following acts:

*Lay on the floor and cry
*Talk about how fat she feels
*Show you her fat
*Say that nothing in her closet looks good (This happens anyways but it's worse during this week)
*Cry at nothing
*Absolutely sob at emotional movies
*Scream at you, 10 seconds after she was laughing with you
*Think you hate her if you say the word 'no'
*Complain about how much she does in life, and how you do nothing (even if you do a lot)
*Throw things
*Think every person in life is out to get her
*Have headaches
*And let's go ahead and add cry a little more

And IF, you're one of the lucky, lucky men in the world, the woman in your life is not only on an emotional roller coaster one week out of every four but the week BEFORE shark week is just as bad, if not worse.

Now to add some TMI to this blog, I would like to tell you that Ross gets to be one of the lucky 2 out of 4 weeks guy, because I am an emotional wreck during the week before and the week of. To cut it short and get to the point, last week was my week before. The post that I made was in the state of all of the emotions listed above.

Growing up, I know my parents did not EVER body shame me. The worst thing that ever happened to me was that my dad asked me if I wanted to order a large t-shirt for soccer when I really wore a medium... Gosh dad. The body shaming didn't begin until 6th grade. Girls are MEAN. I mean they will say anything to make them feel the power surging. Especially middle school and high school girls. If someone was mad at you they took the lowest blow possible. For me, the low blow was my weight.

Have you ever heard that you are most like the 7 people you spend the most time around? Even though it wasn't what I wanted to be like, I began body shaming myself because others were body shaming me. For some reason it makes you feel better when you're body shaming yourself along with them.

Watching some of my favorite little girls grow into young teens has made me realize that this was terrible. I never want them to have to go to school and get body shamed or made fun of for things that I think they are perfect for. As girls it's like we are trained to be vicious animals and weight is our #1 thing to target people for. Middle school to high school, high school to college, and college to the big girl world. All girls do it, all girls are guilty, even me.

Even if you don't do it to others, you probably do it to yourself. Do you look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself how perfect you are? Or do you look straight at your perceived flaws? Find your flaws is body shaming, and instead of finding our flaws, we should learn to love our flaws. Believe it or not our flaws are what makes us unique. It's what makes me look nothing like you, and vice versa. We should all appreciate those flaws.

A year into my journey and I have lost a total of 30 pounds and 10 inches off of my waist. I used to wear a size 16-18 and I am now getting closer to swimming in a size 11-12. My body fat percentage in the beginning was 58.4% and as of this morning it is 32.4%. I forget to stop and think about how amazing that is. I get told daily how great I look and I need to tell myself that daily. I have changed myself for the better and even if I am not at my goals I need to learn to appreciate the places that I have been and where I am now.

Remember to take the time to stop and appreciate you for you. Even on shark week try to remind yourself that everything is going to be okay.

A weight loss journey doesn't happen in 2 months. It truly is a life change. When they say life it means you are willing to change everything you do and make it your habits for the rest of your life. Don't give up when you don't see results. And don't be like me and freak out when you gain some weight back. Everyone has told me that maintaining can be WAY harder than actually losing. So keep your head up and picture the future. Set long term goals, and short term goals. Then go out and destroy them!

XOXO,
Audrey

Unwanted gains

Today is day 10 of the 21 day fix. I often slack when it comes to food in this program but this round I have been giving it my all. Using the 21 day fitness tracker to keep track of my water, food, and workouts. Focusing on getting all of my containers and no more than allowed, and a workout in daily.

The reason I started this journey on another round of the 21 day fix is because I had gained a few pounds back. On March 5 I weighed in at 174, the lowest I have ever weighed in my adult life. On Monday, day 1 of the fix, I weighed 182. My long term goal was 165 by August 5, to mark my 1 year weight loss journey at 50 pounds gone. I was getting so close and now I have put myself 20 pounds away from it, 3 weeks out.

Not to mention, this morning I weighed in, day 10 of the fix..... And I have gained 4 pounds since day 1. Let the water works begin. How is it possible that I can be working SO hard and be getting nothing in return for it. I know the scale doesn't always tell the true numbers of who you are so I measured my waist quickly.... 1 inch GAINED around my waist.... The last 10 days have been nothing but unwanted gains for me.

I was set to get up at 6 this morning and work out.... After those numbers I crawled back in bed, where I still lay now, needing to leave in 20 minutes, discouraged and upset. On August 1 I have to look amazing in a bridesmaids dress for one of my best friends wedding. I'm excited about everything except for for the getting up in front of everyone and feeling the whispers of, "I thought she lost weight, it looks like she has gained it all back!"

After I sat all day and thought about this and what I could do, I still felt down about it. I feel like I've been thrown backwards and it will take me forever to get where I need to be. Despite this, I ate healthy all day long (besides that dark chocolate that I gave into). I couldn't bring myself to gorge and go crazy in the kitchen. I used my containers and worked out as soon as I got home. I leave for vacation on July 19 and until that morning I am going to stay off of the scale to the best of my ability. That will be day 21 of my fix and I am hoping that my inches or the scale show some progress.

This feeling that I have, it's the biggest battle in a diet. It's the biggest battle in life. We want a quick fix, fast results. I may have been at this journey for almost a year but I have to remind myself that I have changed my life for the better. My blood work came back clean, I am no longer falling into the "obese" category on the body fat scale, and I feel better. I am a new person because of this journey and my largest goal of all was to become a better version of myself.

Motivation can be hard to come by, it's not easy to get up every day and convince yourself of things. But you have to. Whether it is working out or going to work, the motivation has to be there. With motivation comes determination, enthusiasm, and compassion. To be successful in anything, these are all traits that are needed.

If you have fallen off of the wagon, like I have before (like once a week don't worry), get back on tomorrow. Eat healthy to the best of your ability, get a workout in, and focus on being positive and happy. Motivate yourself to become a new you, a better you.

Being in the dumps is a normal happening in this process. There is so much changing physically, mentally, and emotionally, we have to take time and steps to get where we need to be. Stay positive and most importantly:
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, GIVE UP!

XOXO,
Audrey

The Status of Kels

Back in August I talked Kelsey, my sister, up off the couch and to the gym with me. She moaned and groaned through every minute of the workout constantly asking, "How much longer?" We joked after this workout that this was her 'annual workout'. Today I would like to update you on the status of Kels.

August 31, 2014 - Get fit 24 gym

Kels has never been the type to head to the gym just because she can. She doesn't go on runs to release anger, she doesn't eat healthy foods. Kelsey was blessed with the fast metabolism and amazing skin that we all dream of. She can drink alcohol and eat chips, pizza, etc.. and still never gain weight.

 

Tiana was blessed with a slightly sped up metabolism but not as much as Kels. And then there was me....I was blessed with the slowest metabolism known to man until I started lifting weights.

 

After this visit to the gym Kelsey changed a few things around December, by accepting one of my clean eating challenges.

 

In the challenges the menu is made for you for 5 days. 3 large meals and 2 snacks, and they ask that you workout for 30 minutes a day. (want in one of these challenges? Message me today and let's get your journey started!!) I talked kelsey and my mom into being my trial subjects and it sparked a whole new world for Kelsey. That week I think she lost around 4-5 pounds and felt like a millon bucks.

 

Since this challenge Kelsey is a frequent flyer at the gym. I'm telling you this so you don't fall down of a heart attack if you walk past the Lenox gym and see her there. She likes to run and lift and sweat her butt off. Kelsey decided to attend our Bedford Bootcamp Tuesday and Thursday night this last week to find out what all the hype was.

 

June 16, 2015 Les Mills Combat 30

The amount of sweat was
unreal! Nike Dryfit shorts
are the real deal ;)

 On Tuesday we did a Beachbody program called "Les Mills - Combat" (only on sale for limited time and then it is GONE forever! 40% off right now. Click the link for more details!) this is a program very similar to kick boxing, but without a bag in front of you. Tiana got the pleasure of wearing the gloves. In this workout you don't even begin with a stretch, you jump right in and start punching and kicking from the very beginning. To give you an insight on how much sweat there really was, I will tell you that every time I kicked, there was sweat flying off of my legs. Oh, and not to mention the entire surface of my body being covered in sweat in the end. Holy hot!

 



June 18, 2015 - Cardio Fix

On Thursday we decided to go for a 21 day fix workout. These workouts may not seem like they can be incredibly tough because they are only 30 minutes long but believe me.... Autumn Calabrese does NOT take it easy on you at all. If you're only going to workout for 30 minutes a day, she makes sure you know you did it. Thursday before Devon's baseball game we did Cardio Fix, with two spectators (Ross & Kyle) there to watch the show. Not only was the workout hard, but the studio was probably near 90 degrees, not even factoring in the humidity. We survived and felt good about our accomplishments for the night!

 

Having people to workout with makes you push yourself that extra mile. Especially when it is your sisters. Knowing that you are all making a change for the better, and doing it together, gives you a special bond. Before every home game we will be doing these workouts and we invite the public in as well. Something you have to remind yourself is that it is summer and it is okay to go places with some sweat dripping down. Perfection is impossible during the summer heat so you might as well go looking like you worked out hard and earned the sweat. As for the smell, I would stay at least 5 feet from anyone you speak to after working out. ;)

Shakeology, C4 Performance Enhancer, and Herbalife Herbal
Tea Concentrate.

Something I have Tiana doing now, but not Kelsey, is drinking Shakeology. Many people are scared by the price of this....sit down and think of the money that you spend on yourself each month anyways. Think about how many times you would go to the ice cream shop and spend $4. If you mix Shakeology the right way, you can have the best "milk shake" that you've ever had from the comfort of your own home, and with a thousand ingredients that will change your life forever. Spend the money on Shakeology, not because I told you to, but because it's something YOU want to do for YOURSELF. I love Beachbody and I am a firm believe in it but my energy sources come from every where. When you wake up at 4:45 every day to workout, work a 9 hour shift, and go to workout more, energy is key. I use a performance enhancer that tastes like heaven, which can now be found at Walmart for $19. This stuff gives you the extra kick in the butt when you need it for a workout. Then in the mornings I drink my Herbalife peach herbal tea. This stuff is my saving grace and it's my low calorie coffee instead of indulging in 6 pumps of creamer. Second thing I do every morning is drink my Shakeology. It gives me all the nutrients I need and keeps me going all day long. Don't be the person who falls asleep on the couch every night like I used to be! Find what works for you!

If you have any questions about these things, or about fitness in general please feel free to contact me! I love to help all people. <3

XOXO,
Audrey



Why I help people

When I was younger, my parents taught me to help all of those around me and to be the best person possible. They had high expectations for me and I always strived to meet those to make them proud. I loved having this image of being the person who would bend over backwards for someone else.

Recently I have had all sorts of body confusion and ended up gaining back 6 pounds. Those steps backwards, they SUCK. BUT they have made me realize why I help others. When I am down in the dumps from gaining this weight, I feel disgusting, I feel heavy, and I want to sit in a corner and cry. When I feel like that, I know that other people get this same feeling.

When you're in that rut, coming out of it seems virtually impossible. You convince yourself that fat isn't all that bad so you keep eating bad, drinking bad, and not exercising. This morning I finally got my butt out of bed and exercised because enough is enough. I am so tired of feeling this way after feeling so good. I want to help other people feel that good. I don't care if it's through every product you want to try or simply from eating the right foods, I want to help.

I know that when I feel this crappy, I just want someone who will understand my constant complaints but help me push through.

Tough love doesn't do it for me. Sure, if someone looked at me right now that hadn't read this and said, "looks like you gained weight" I would probably be back up in the morning ready to workout, but nobody is rude enough to say that (or I hope they aren't).

Once I started helping a friend of mine lose weight. We ended up on the phone together and she said to me, "you have to realize that you're making this sound really easy and the truth is that it isn't". She told me, "You have been doing this for so long that it seems easy to you now, and you don't realize how hard it is for some people to do this". Wholy buckets was she right. I've been in this rut so eating healthy seems impossible. I want sweets and junk food and tons of carbs. The choice of eating a salad does not always come EASY to people, until they see the results.

Please understand that following me through this journey, I am just as much a work in progress as  you, sometimes maybe even more. One of my best friends is signed on as a coach under me, meaning I am supposed to be her coach. Little did I know that she would be more of a coach to me that I am to her in the long run. Join me in this journey, and know that it isn't easy. Not one bit of it is easy. But starting small baby steps of good habits turns into running and next thing you know it will be you telling people it is easy.

Promise me something, if you read this tonight, get up in the morning and workout. Salena will have class at the studio at 5am in Bedford if you need the extra push of someone beside you, and if you're more of a night person Tuesday night at 5:45 we will be working out again. Youtube videos and just get up and be active. Second promise, if you have extra cash laying around that you would like to spend on yourself, look into a fitbit, or some form of activity band. This will help motivate you to continue to stay active throughout the day and to challenge others while youre doing it.

XOXO,
Audrey